10 things you shouldn’t say to an Italian

I love Scotland, it is my home and it stole my heart from the moment I moved here, over a decade ago. And I love the fact that people still find me exotic and fascinating (or so I like to believe..). I have lived as an Italian expat for about a third of my life now, and while I can survive being surrounded by people who constantly take the mickey out of my accent (my husband included), there is some s*** that I just can’t take. I mean, I love you Scottish people of my beautiful adoptive country, but please, please, care for your Italian pals by thinking twice before telling us that…:

1. ‘ I put cream, mushroom and peas in my Carbonara’.  

This one, simply unacceptable. Don’t call it Carbonara then. Do I cook fish and spinach and present it to you as haggis neeps and tatties?

2. ‘I have never been to Italy, but I was in Spain last year’.

Great. So have I, lovely place. But what has that to do with me being Italian, which, FYI, it’s a different country altogether?

3. ‘Gracias!’

Please, see point above. 

4. ‘I went to Rome and had gelato, but Hagen Daaz is so much better’.

Excuse me?

5. ‘Aah Italian! Pizza, pasta and mandolino!’ accompanied by much hand gesticulation.

This one, a golden oldie. Does not make it any less annoying.

6. ‘Aah Italian! When’sa your Dolmio day?’ same hand gesticulation as above.

I will not even comment on this.

7. ‘Rome is overrated’.

In which way, please explain?

8. ‘I still prefer Domino’s pizza’.

Then you haven’t actually had a real pizza, sorry pal.

9. ‘I drink cappuccino with my lunch’.

This one, I just don’t get. Cappuccino is for your breakfast, for goodness sake.

10. ‘I haven’t been to Italy, but I’ve been to Naples Florida’.

Wow.

Care for your international pals! Do not overwhelm them with stereotypes, and they will reward your curiosity with enthusiasm and maybe, if you are very lucky, with the best carbonara you have ever had in your life.